in spite of my southern baptist upbringing, it is not because i am obsessed with sin and with defining sin for me and for all those around me. although i must admit to being tempted as we all are to sit in judgement on others, i try to leave that up to the Maker.
i begin first with establishing a relationship. i am a creation. i exist because of a relationship between my mother and father. i believe i exist because a higher power, the Creator, willed my existence. i have a heavenly father.
in heaven... a father i will never fully know or understand as we live in different places. heaven includes earth, but earth does not include heaven. that's a way of envisioning life that helps me understand my human condition. i am not going to understand everything. there is a distance between the heavenly father and me that will not be overcome as long as my spirit exists in this finite container.
father in heaven acknowledges both the relationship and limitation of the relationship.
have mercy on me, a sinner
mary gauthier sings it so beautifully, "we all could use a little mercy now". mercy. grace. compassion. it is what our souls long for. i don't want to be given what i deserve or what i have earned. i want what i need. i want peace. the buddha got it right to recognize the contentment that exists where there is an absence of both need and desire. it is called mercy. when there is no need for more. where there is all that you need. when the light that you are given is sufficient for the moment and there is no anxiety about the future. have mercy on me
a sinner - a flawed creature. not only am i far from perfect, i am so often far from who i want to be, who i believe i am. even when my desire is loving and kind and good, my actions do not always follow; and when my desire is not, my actions leave me full of regret and so often hurt those in as great a need of mercy as i am myself.
i am a sinner. i do not do the things i long to do and do those things i do not wish to do. i fall short of my potential, again and again.
and i am loved anyway.
and those i love are sinners like me.
i am a little obsessed with mary gouchier's mercy now. it is in my range and when i sing it, it feels like a hymn.
father in heaven, have mercy on me, a sinner.
