jesus or paul

when i was a young mother, i had our pastor of the time say something that i found deeply disturbing. he said that paul was more important that jesus. i now see that he was just being honest.

paul gave rules. all religions require rules. 

jesus wasn’t like that. he said we should live by ideas. the idea that we are all the same in the eyes of god. the idea that we should keep forgiving those who wrong us as many times as they wrong us. the idea that we should be neighbors to each other and take care of each other the way we take care of ourselves. the idea that we should love our enemies. the idea that the religious elite have missed the point. the idea that those who are the least in our society are the ones we should treat the best. the idea that we should be humble.

the idea that we should be ready to sacrifice our lives for those we love.

those ideas are beyond rules.

organized religions need rules. they need for right and wrong to be black and white with good people and bad people clearly defined. rules provide consequences for those who break the rules and allows for enforcers of those rules. rules give a hierarchy that has no place in the teachings of jesus. rules help to control and define god to meet our expectations. rules keep us from uncertainty and the need to evaluate our actions every day, every hour.

so through the growth of christianity, paul did become more important than jesus. what jesus said was just too hard. we needed an easier way. we needed fire insurance.

like the rich young man, we can follow all the rules without sacrifice, without love. 

a belief system that goes beyond rules to unconditional love is beyond our abilities. 

following rules can also be beyond our ability. 

the goal of following rules, however, is much easier and more attainable that acting with love in our every action.

i always say that my grandmother mellowed a lot with age, and it’s true. she never lost her feistiness, but she lost her judgmental attitude towards others. she lost the rigidity of the religion of her upbringing without losing the essence of her christian faith.

as i am at the point where the life i have lived is more lengthy that the life i have still to come, i understand this better. i don’t think i have a fear of death, except the natural instinctual fear that we all have, young or old. 

but i have changed through the death of others.

the experience of watching someone die is a holy thing. when it is someone you love, it is precious in a way that can’t be explained.

we are stripped of all that is inessential. our eyes are opened to a journey that we will all take. we watch as our loved one goes on without us.

i think it has made me kinder, gentler, more prone to recognize the mystery in what i used to think i could know. i’ve come to recognize arrogance in what i once thought was faith. i am too limited by my humanity to understand the mystery of life and death. to believe that i can is pretentious.

embracing the mystery is a greater faith for me. it is accepting what cannot be known and trusting nevertheless in the goodness of god, in the love of god for creation, for me.

this is where my life has brought me. 

people call me religious but i don’t think i am. i prefer spiritual. i think i am a wonderer of a world beyond what i can know with my physical senses. i believe that world to be as real as the physical one.

i hope that i am walking the end of my journey as i walked at the beginning. with awe and wonder and absolute trust that i am loved.

why bad things happen to good people

why do bad things happen to good people?

because bad things happen to all people. there is nothing about being good that prevents us from the circumstances of life.

most of the world suffers more than we do.

my grief was so intense when my daddy died in his 80's of parkinson's ( a really terrible disease). i lost my mother at 79 to alzheimers.. a disease that takes away who you are.

but how many people have lost their entire family in a single event? how many mothers lose their children to dysentery and other preventable disease?

every day people are killed in war torn countries, so many of them innocent people who are unable to leave. every day people die from hunger in famine stricken lands. every day children are born unwanted to addicted parents both poor and affluent. every day women and children are abused. every day children come to school hungry.

in my country, the news is full of mass shootings, too many times of children, even first graders.

are there no good people among those who are suffering so severely?

are we to be exempt from the natural disasters, diseases and man-made tragedies of our world?

as good people are we to rage at god for choosing us to suffer?

i say we should. we should also rage against the suffering of others.

the bible is full of those raging against god about their suffering. it is also full of imploring god for relief.

hannah begged god to cure her barrenness. sarah did not believe god's promise of a son. hannah not only had samuel, who was given to god. hannah had other children. sarah gave birth to her promised child. job raged against god at his suffering when his family was lost. he was given another family.

a friend of mine lost her only child at 15, a child longed for and welcomed with great joy. years later she adopted a son who brought that kind of love again into her home.

bad things happen to all people. good things happen to all people.

so what is the real question? the question is after the raging and the tears, where do we find ourselves?

are we ready for the good that is yet to come or do we end our living at the sorrow that is ours? do we accept both the good and the bad as part of the life we are given?

and finally do we grieve for the bad and give thanks for the good? do we use the bad of our suffering to give good to those who suffer in the world we live in?

the answer is not easy. but the answer determines who we are and what kind of life we have.