online counseling

online counseling is a new phenomenon.

it appeals to a tech savvy, on the move, millennial style set of people.

i didn't think it would be for me, but my daughter told me of it so i thought i'd give it a try.

my husband and i were looking first for grief counseling. his brother was murdered.

but murder isn't like a normal death, even a sudden death. it's complicated. it's even more complicated when you don't know the who or why.

it had already been a hard year.

so.... we knew we needed something.... sooner rather than later.

we'd both had counseling before and it's a mixed bag. helpful, harmful, and in-between.

online counseling doesn't change that... but not being limited to a geographic area makes breaking up with your counselor and starting a new relationship so much easier.

....especially if you live in a small rural area... your choices are pretty limited.

we lucked up.

we've both found a counselor as good as any we've had before.




Advantages for us

we both needed more than twice a month. we both needed more than once a week.

we both write almost every day.

we write when the need is upon us and not upon some pre-set schedule.

when we don't feel like it, we don't have to just because we have an appointment.

  


i am so much better at writing my thoughts and feelings. i always have been.

i can re-read and edit and say exactly what i want to say. 

i often wrote down what i wanted to say to my "in person" counselor.


online counseling is a lot like journaling, a strategy long used in therapy. it helps in and of itself. an online counselor is probably not going to respond every day. that will probably vary from service provider and counselor, and even state.

so what do i get from my therapist... focus and encouragement.

that's what i need. i'm a pretty healthy person mentally, but everyone has times when life is hard. there are times when you're sick and you go to the doctor. it's the same thing. you're not always sick, but when you are in need, you seek professional help.

it's not for everybody

it demands skilled written communication and verbal ability.

it's not going to work for a child.

it might work for a couple. i don't think it would have worked for us. i really think couples counseling would need to be in person. i think tone of voice and body language are even more important in that type of counseling. that is the obvious failing of online counseling, although video and audio are offered.

there's no insurance

it's not a choice for those with limited income.

therapy is expensive healthcare.

i hate that it can be out of reach for those who need it. even free or near free mental health programs have so much more need than they have resources.

i'm thankful that we can afford it at the moment and that it is a choice for us.

we are diverse in our grief.

we are diverse in our need.

i think any technology that provides for that diversity is a good thing.

cruelty is never christian

https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming+nicole+book&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=241610018124&hvpos=1t2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8696989949709121568&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011648&hvtargid=kwd-161903286520&ref=pd_sl_2594118p0r_b

i stopped reading halfway through

                                                 when the cruelty began in earnest.

i've taught children all of my adult life.

i hate bullying.

becoming nichole tells the story of a transgender child growing up in maine with her twin brother. she was drawn to girl toys and dressing up before she was two. her twin shared in her interest as her twin..... but he soon outgrew it and she didn't.

nichole began life as wyatt.

her parents didn't want a girl.

they were delighted with twin boys (adopted).

nichole began telling them she was a girl from about the time she could talk. she referred to herself as a boy-girl.

when she began preschool, she begged to wear the dresses given to her by her best friend... a girl.

her parents refused, occasionally allowing her a pink shirt or pink sneakers.

they were understandably worried.

soon they began to seek therapists to help them with this peculiar behavior from their son.

it didn't work.

they finally agreed to let her be who she desperately wanted to be.

her friends from school accepted her without question. they had known her all of her life and thought of her as a girl.

her twin once told her parents that they had to accept that they had a son and a daughter.

and they finally found an endocrinologist that explained that wyatt had gender dysphoria, a condition now recognized by the diagnostic and statistics manual of mental diagnosis, a handbook for doctors and psychologists.

it turns out that gender identity is a product of the brain. it forms weeks after the anatomical physiology is determined.

both are the result of hormones acting on the fetus.

there has always been indisputable evidence of what was once called hermaphrodites. the term is now intersex and is the condition where the body has the anatomy of both male and female reproductive parts.

in the past, surgery decided which sex organs would be removed. today they are usually allowed to wait until their gender identity can me determined.

most of intersex individuals have a chromosome anomaly.

there are four common chromosomal disorders: down's, edward's, patau's and turner.

the one most recognizable is down's syndrome.

these children are beautiful. they grow to be beautiful adults.

(i believe one of their genes is a gene for sweetness).

they did not choose to be different.

and neither do transgender children.

https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/transgender_relationship_abuse/

there are sadly those who bully children with down's syndrome.

but they generally do not identify themselves as christians.

not so with transgender children.

professing christians lead the bullying with the excuse of exercising their "rights"

i don't know anyone who is gay that chose to be.

homosexuality has been documented in 450 species of animals.

http://www.yalescientific.org/2012/03/do-animals-exhibit-homosexuality/

i believe that god created our bodies as they are... and that includes those whose bodies are different from mine.

yes, paul spoke against lesbians and the old testament has rules against homosexuality.

but it also has rules about eating pork. we don't protest ham eaters. (in the south, barbecue pork is sacred).

paul also spoke against women going without head covers and speaking in church... although he praised women leaders in other places.

we don't get to choose which rules in the bible make other people unloved by god.

and there are certainly more passages about the evil of those who consider riches greater than the needs of the poor. they are not considered fodder for bullying.

no one is worthy or unworthy of god's love.

and it's not our job to punish them for their "sins" in a way that we don't feel deserving of the same punishment for "our" kind of sin.

once again, the theme of all the bible is clear. treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated.

this is how we show our love for god.

it is our job to show love to people and let god do any judging.

right now, i have too much personal pain to finish this book. it is such a painful read.

but when i'm stronger, i will. 

i will honor their pain the way i honor the pain of immigrants and abused children and all of the widows and orphans of our time.

they have a story.

we need to hear it and we need to love them.

that's what i believe is the calling of every christian.

narrow the gate

we enter the kingdom of heaven through a narrow gate.




the path to destruction is wide and many go that way.






i guess what we have to ask ourselves is what is the kingdom of heaven and what is the path to destruction?


jesus was clear about the way to the kingdom of heaven. it's to treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated.... and have we done that?

do we think of every person as if they were jesus?

is every child a child of god?

the kingdom of heaven is not the kingdom of america.

many nations have claimed to be christian nations.

the spanish inquisition and apartheid were both promoted by nations that claimed to be christian.









so many people get on the bandwagon of right once the battles are over.

abolitionists were hated. 

they were beaten and sometimes killed. they were breaking the law of the land. our forefathers meant for there to be slavery.

it's nice to think that we would be on the side of right.... but it was a narrow gate. the crowded path was taken by those who either benefited from slavery or those who didn't think it was any of their business. 

the wide road was the one where people were too busy with their own life to care about what happened to those oppressed by their own country's laws.

it led to the kind of thinking that is anathema to the kingdom of heaven.

the kingdom of heaven is about brotherhood.

the christmas truce of 1914, a time when soldiers put down their weapons, sang songs and shared meals and stories, resulted in a relocation of those men. it was a dangerous precedent for soldiers to recognize the humanity of their enemies.

the kingdom of heaven is dangerous.

the path to war and violence is wide and many go that way.

we can't wait until it's easy to enter the kingdom of heaven.

it will never be easy.

we actively oppose actions that harm oppressed peoples.

if it's wrong, it's wrong... 

the underground railroad broke the law....

families were torn apart by slavery.

and it was legal.




the kingdom of heaven is never about hate.

the narrow gate will be lonely and will take courage when we must walk alone.








he has told you, oh man, what is good; and what doth the lord require of you, but to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly before your god.

micah 6:8

that's a pretty narrow gate.