origin of a species - donald trump

i'd love to be an artist or musician. 

but it's not my passion.

my passion is human behavior and theology

... figuring out how people got to where they are.

a question i have pondered since the 2016 election is who is donald trump and how did he come to be the person he is?

i believe the beginnings were that he never learned to share as a child.

children must be taught the golden rule. 

that wasn't part of the trump family... and the sad truth is that it is a perpetuating condition. parents who don't learn compassion don't pass it on to their children.

trump never lacked for material goods. i'm pretty sure he lacked the unconditional love that helps children grow. i believe his constant need for approval stems from this absence in his life.



kindness not only helps the receiver; it changes the giver for the better

it works both ways. people are changed, if only minutely, with every act of kindness shown to them. the same is true of the person who acts with kindness.

As the water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the person

- Proverbs 27: 19

we do not live in a culture that values a good heart. our culture values the acquisition of goods and power. if you want to know what is really important to a person, look at the way they spend their time and money.

there you will see their heart.

if you spend all or most of your time and money serving yourself, then you are the center of your life. i don't think there's any question that this is true of donald trump. i'm not even sure that he would argue against this.

and yet, he is constantly seeking affirmation.

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders but they have never failed to imitate them.

 - James Baldwin

i'm pretty sure donald trump was bullied by his father, and probably by classmates as well. the super rich do not have to be bad parents, but they often are. you rarely accumulate that kind of money (or inherit it) without feeling entitled. it's hard work to discipline a child, and by discipline, i don't mean spanking. i mean teaching a moral code of basic decency towards others.

we are not without choice. but our circumstances certainly influence our ability to move past our childhood.

donald trump has never made that choice.

i don't hate donald trump, but i don't want him in a position of power because he brings out the worst in us.

racism is alive and well.

it never died. 

civil rights for people of color happened because we were appalled by the violence perpetrated agains them.

now the victims of violence are blamed.

hate crimes have risen since trump became president, but they are not at their highest levels. the highest levels were 2007 and 2008 .... the years of obama's campaigning and election.

they declined in his presidency 

and rose again after trump was elected.

there are so many documented quotes and videos that show his disrespect for people of color that his personal racism can hardly be discounted. as president, he has made racism acceptable again.  whereas cultural peer pressure... "being politically correct" ... made it taboo to be openly racist after the civil rights movement, it has now raised its ugly head.

and just like kindness, hate begats hate.

trump never had peers of color that he saw as his equal.

because of integration, mixed race marriages are not uncommon. (something racists still hate)

after integration, children went to school together. they made friends regardless of race. we cannot overcome racism as long as we have an us and them mentality. but when you know someone and understand that they are just like you, things change. we find that their hopes and dreams are much like ours.

there are many disturbing things that trump has used his power for, but racism is second only to the environment for me.  (because no earth, no life as we know it)

racism hurts everyone.

i think i understand where donald trump came from. i'm not a psychologist. i have limited academic knowledge of human behavior.

but i have spent my life observing people with passion. i spent over 30 years in the classroom becoming keenly aware of how children's behavior is affected by their life circumstances and the people around them.

children don't get to pick their parents.

that includes donald trump.

i don't hate donald trump. it is hard to choose good when you've never been taught.

but i hate the evil that has blossomed in his presidency.

all saints day

as the names were read of those saints who left us in the past year, i knew only the last.

david yarbrough.

i don't know that i'm ready to write a eulogy, but i think i need to try.

when someone is so vitally alive

when someone is so full of love

when someone is so bright

when someone is so giving



the good-bye is so much harder

and when the end is sudden and unexpected

my greatest reaction is just a voice shouting NO!

david and nancy were new friends. i don't even have a great kerry capps photograph to show. i had to steal one off his facebook

i have found that in some ways it is harder to lose a new friend than an old. with the old, you have so very many memories to sustain you.

with david, i find myself missing all the experiences we had yet to have

.... talking about things we disagreed about

... oyster fishing and boating

.... listening to good music

.... sharing food

we had some of that, but not nearly enough

one of the things i really really wanted to share and never did was this video

david loved pink floyd. when i asked him what kind of music he liked so i could play it on spotify while he worked, he mentioned pink floyd first. but then he went on to name an eclectic number of other musicians.

flying fish played this at stronger than the storm. 

as soon as i heard what they were doing, i moved closer to try to get the best video. i immediately tried to send it to david, not even knowing then about his airlift to tallahassee icu.

but my phone wouldn't do it.

after i heard that david was in the hospital, i tried to send it again with a 'better than flowers' text... it didn't work.

i'm not sure why that bothers me so much.

i guess i just know how much he would have enjoyed it.


david did good work and was proud of it.

he was the ultimate problem solver.

in some ways, i feel david was also a victim of michael. he worked so hard to help others recover from their losses, both paid and unpaid.


but everything david did was out of love. love for people and pride in his work.

david was a good man in all parts of his life.

david didn't have a professional life and a social life.

david was the same david.

one of the first times he came over to talk about the house, i offered him a cup of coffee and he took it, even though we scrambled to find a cup.



he took it black and strong ... like a cup of coffee should be.

when nancy came in, she was not quite happy with him. she had to reign him in several times when he acted like he was just hanging around with friends.... so they could get work done.

it was pretty much a lost cause.

if you met david, he was your friend.

nancy and david are good people.

when we flew home from california for two weeks at home, we worried how to get home from the airport. we really hated to ask anyone. it's almost an hour and a half drive both ways.

nancy volunteered before we got the nerve to ask someone.

it's one of our last memories of time spent with david and nancy. we stopped on the way home for drinks and a snack.

... our waitress left much to be desired, but it didn't bother our good time... why would it?

my very last time with david showed where our relationship was going.

kerry and i had both got a haircut. kerry hated his and i agreed.



that just appalled david. as wife i should tell him how great it looked, and he went on to talk about his mama's crazy "do"s that his daddy always praised. 

he kept looking at my hair and biting his tongue. it was so obvious, it was funny. i had mine cut super short, and while it looked okay, it's way worse than kerry's now.

you could see he was thinking that mine wasn't much better than kerry's, but he just couldn't say it.....

that was david.

but i wanted to get to the place that he would have said it, and we could have had a laugh about it.

i miss the david i knew.

i miss the david i hoped to know better.