The deeper your sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Kahil Gibran
Hannah was a beautiful woman.
It was the reason Elkanah fell in love with her.
Even though he already had a wife and three sons, he knew he wanted to marry Hannah from the first time he saw her. It was only a matter of weeks before the kiddushin was signed. The kichah followed soon after.
The women of her family had prepared her for kichah as much as could be done. She was ready for the pain. She wasn’t sure she was ready for what she considered the humiliation of the intimacy. But she knew it was the duty of a wife, and Elkanah had been generous with the terms of their kiddushin.
But it wasn’t like that.
Elkanah had been gentle. There was pain, of course, but afterwards he had been tender and held her through the night. His compassion was unexpected.
Hannah rejoiced in her good fortune and looked forward to the children they would have.
But they didn’t.
Hannah had been the oldest daughter in her family, and she was a second mother to all her brothers and sisters. It was no chore. She greeted each new baby with delight, savoring their baby smells and soft hair, talking back to their gurgles and chuckles in her low soothing voice. Her family always told her what a good mother she would be. She, too, longed for the day she would hold a baby of her own.
The pain of her barrenness never left Hannah. Every time she lay with Elkanah, Hannah prayed for a child. Every time her bleeding came, she wept and fell into despair. With time, Hannah had come to love Elkanah for himself, but it never took away her deep longing for a child. The longing was even greater, for now she wanted HIS child. She wanted to make a family with him.
Elkanah married Peninnah as a young man. She was his cousin, daughter of his father’s sister. It was arranged when they were little more than children. Elkanah never thought to love her, and he didn’t. He was a good provider and thus a good husband to her.
Peninnah bore him three sons in their first five years of marriage. There was nothing greater that a woman could give to her husband. She had been a good wife to him, but she sparked no desire in him such as Hannah did.
Hannah loved Peninnah’s children. Peninnah sometimes allowed her to care for them but only so she could taunt her about never producing a child of her own. Whenever they would travel to Shiloh to make their sacrifices, Peninnah would mock Hannah for her prayers for a child. Elkanah might give Hannah the best of the meat from the sacrifice, but it was Peninnah that held the status of being mother to his many children.
And she never let Hannah forget.
Elkanah dutifully went to his wife, Peninnah, twice a month. As soon as she became pregnant, he no longer saw her until after her child was born. Elkanah provided well for Peninnah and his children. They were well fed and clothed and had no physical needs. With his children, he showed affection. With Peninnah, it was only duty. Peninnah felt both abandoned and jealous when Elkanah brought Hannah home.
Peninnah knew better than to direct her anger towards Elkanah so she turned her frustration in a deliberate viciousness towards Hannah. Whenever one of her sons would appear too attached to Hannah, Peninnah would retrieve him and say, “He needs his mother, now.”
Hannah’s heart broke many times a day as she looked adoringly at Peninnah’s children.
Pray without ceasing - Thessalonians 5:17
It was once more time to offer sacrifices at Shiloh. Hannah found it hard to put one foot ahead of the other so deep was her sorrow to once more be traveling without children while Peninnah taunted her with her many sons and daughters. She felt the heaviness of her sorrow in every fiber of her being.
Once more, Elkanah gave Hannah a double portion from the sacrifice, but she found her throat closed with her sadness and she could not eat.
“Hannah, why do you weep and not eat? Why is your heart so sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
Hannah knew how much Elkanah loved her, and she had grown to return his love, but she could not make him understand what it was like for her to be without children. It wasn’t the cultural shame. Elkanah always made her feel wanted whether she ever had children or not. It was intense, personal desire.
The longing for a child was so deep within her that it was part of who she was, but she could never explain that to him. She tried again to get the meat passed her throat. She smiled at Elkanah and thanked him for his generosity.
When the meal was done, Hannah left him to pray at the altar of the Lord, once again to plead with her God for a child. If only she could hold her own son in her arms, she would be satisfied. “Give me a son and I will give him back to serve you all of his life. His hair will never be cut,” she promised. “Have mercy on me and I will bring him back to this temple and give him over to you.”
Her tears consumed her, her voice silenced with her grief as she prayed to the Lord. Her crying was such that she appeared drunk, and Eli the priest came to her to berate her for her intemperance.
“You should put away your wine for you have drunk to excess and dishonor this place.”
“I am not drunk,” Hannah protested. “I have not had any wine or strong drink. I am a woman oppressed in spirit. I have been pouring my soul out to God in my distress. Do not think me a worthless woman. I have all this time spoken from the depth of my anguish and resentment of my unanswered prayer.”
“Go in peace, then, and may the God of Israel grant your petition,” Eli told her.
Hannah left the temple with hope and with her faith renewed. Surely God would answer her prayer as Eli had said. She turned a deaf ear to Peninnah’s ridicule and was sad no more.
Her bleeding did not come and she found herself with child on their journey home.
Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love - Mahatma Ghandi
Peninnah expected Hannah to torment her with her pregnancy. When Hannah produced a son, Peninnah was sure that Hannah would exact her revenge.
If anything, Hannah was more playful with Peninnah’s children and encouraged them to play with their new brother. Hannah was a beacon of light. Her joy showed in all her interactions, but it wasn’t a boasting. It was thankfulness.
Peninnah was confused. She had fully expected her hatred of Hannah to grow and that she would come to despise Samuel. Instead, she found that she was growing to love Samuel. From the very beginning, he was an easy, sweet natured baby full of smiles for everyone. He laughed easily and seldom cried. Samuel was so easy to love. Peninnah especially loved to watch him purse his lips and concentrate before babbling his new sounds.
It was not what Peninnah expected.
Hannah did not accompany Peninnah and her children when Elkanah visited Shiloh for the sacrifices. She remained in Ramathaim until Samuel was weaned. On the trip after his weaning, she accompanied Elkanah to Shiloh and left Samuel with Eli, supplying all that he would need for the next year. Samuel clung to her as she left him but he went when Eli reached out to take his hand. The tears Hannah shed were different from the ones of her last visit. She was not in despair. She had memories to treasure and was at peace with the life Samuel would have. She looked forward to her yearly visits and would make him a warm coat to show him her love.
Hannah again missed her bleeding and was with child. Her joy knew no bounds. The Lord of Israel had once again shown her mercy. She was filled with gratitude that her womb had been opened.
When you break subatomic particles down to their most elemental level, you are left with nothing but pure light. - Albert Einstein
Hannah’s womb continued to open and bring her the gift of sons and daughters. Peninnah, too, continued to have children.
In Peninnah’s last pregnancy, she should have died; but Hannah remained with her and would not give up. Hannah had not hesitated to include Peninnah with her own joy in Samuel and her other children. She forgave Peninnah all of her previous treatment of her. They had become tentative friends; and by the time of Peninnah’s difficult pregnancy, they were as sisters.
Hannah never left her during Peninnah’s long childbirth and insisted the midwife continue to assist Peninnah when the midwife said it was of no use. The large boy had been hard to birth and left Peninnah with great fear of another pregnancy. She knew that without Hannah, she would have died, and so she did not object when Elkanah no longer visited her. For Peninnah, there was gratitude but no more. Her children were her life. Now that her jealousy had left her, she found her pleasure in them ever greater.
Contention between wives was common. Wives jealously guarded their time and status within the family. It had been true for Hannah and Peninnah when Hannah became Elkanah’s wife. But the love and compassion Hannah showed to Peninnah changed that. Time and love had formed a friendship with each other that was unique. Their children loved each other as siblings and shared the love of both mothers.
Samuel grew to be a great prophet. The son Hannah had given back to God taught his people to serve him and follow his word. He led Israel through many years of tribulation.
But the gift of Samuel brought more. It brought love and light to two women who lived their life in despair. Each woman, for different reasons, had known much sorrow.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but longing fulfilled is a tree of life
Proverbs 13:12
Proverbs 13:12
Merry Christmas 2019
To all my beloveds
mama
