Raising a daughter is like growing a flower. You give it your best. If you’ve done your job well, she blooms. And after that, she leaves
- Unknown
The last wagon had been out of sight for over an hour.
John left after the last wagon became a mere speck on the horizon. With a squeeze on her shoulder, and a quiet they’ll be fine, John went back to his workshop where he would lose himself in the wood he carved with such skill.
Margaret swallowed the lump lodged in her throat, the finality of her loss overwhelming, like walking away from a graveside, never to see the one laid there again.
Katherine’s home would be in Santa Fe, almost a thousand miles away. The distance was unbearable and unbreechable Whatever life they found there would not include Margaret. She would never see her daughter again. She would not be there to see her grandchildren change and grow. She would not feel their small hands around her neck. Jess and Katherine would never again fill their house with their sweet harmonies.
More powerful than her grief was her fear. There were so many unthinkable things that could happen. The journey would be full of danger.
Indians who might kill or kidnap them frightened Margaret the most. The brutal deaths of those stagecoach passengers by the Apaches was less than a decade ago. The fear that Jess could be killed in the horrible way they were, and that Katherine and the children could be captured never to be seen again was too terrifying.
There was so much to be afraid of. They would travel through harsh desert where the lack of water was a serious threat. Sometimes she would see their bodies lying in the desert having died from thirst. It was a vision that returned too often. She shook her head to vanquish those images.
No doctor and few women were in the caravan as most the travelers were traders. Families were more common now but still unusual. The trail was mostly for carrying supplies that were scarce in the West. What would Katherine do if the children got sick? How would she manage without other women to share her burdens, to talk to when she was lonely or scared?
Hardest would be the not knowing.
All these things that could happen would be out of her sight and out of her control. The anxiety of it was crippling. Katherine could write along the way with the newly created stagecoach post; but if they were killed, how and when would she know? Such things did not make it into a newspaper. Only a huge massacre such as the stagecoach tragedy would be reported.
They might be suffering from any number of hardships while Margaret would be going about her day. Hardships were inevitable, whether on a trail or on a farm, and Margaret would not be there for Katherine.
She could not bring herself to turn away and make that step back to a life without them, and so she stayed. She stared onto the empty horizon and wept.
A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. - Yoko Ono
Jess was good with animals. He’d been that way since he was very young. He made friends with feral cats in the barn. He could catch a chicken when he was three just by talking to it. He never met a dog who didn’t love him.
He first started riding when he was six and had his own pony at seven. By the time Jess was 12, he had a reputation for being able to tame any animal and break any horse. Neighbors would come to him with any animal that was troublesome. He was best with horses, but he was able to tame the most aggressive dog and had once broken a mule to ride. He saved all his horse-breaking money for his dream, a horse ranch of his own. There was nothing he wanted more than that. Land was getting scarce in Kansas, but every day people passed on their way West. Jess would go there.
The Santa Fe trail was his goal. The Oregon trail was for farmers and gold miners. He would join the traders on the much shorter trip to Santa Fe. He was sure he could find work with a caravan that would pay his way. Not only was he great with horses, but he was a crack shot with a rifle. He could hunt buffalo along the trail and provide protection.
Things changed when Jess's father died. Their farm was mostly livestock. In the past, they grew a small field of tobacco as a cash crop, but when Kansas became a slave state, slaveowners from the South began to migrate and buy up land in Kansas. Cotton and tobacco farmers without slaves couldn’t compete. The Kansas Nebraska Act had brought the fight for slavery to their home. They had no desire to own slaves and converted the tobacco field to corn.
They increased the number of cattle on their farm but it was less money than they made from tobacco. They raised milch cows for their milk, which was used in trade. The other cattle they kept to sell for their skins and tallow. The male milch calves were sold to those who wanted to train them as oxen for the wagons going West. The demand for ox was great. There was always someone to buy theirs, and Jess’s father never took less than three dollars for one. He knew his calves were worth it.
Ox training took four years. That was not practical for their farm. Any skill can be learned his father would say, but it takes many skilled trainers and a lot of cattle to make money selling oxen. The big ranches sometimes supplemented their herds from small farmers like his father. That was enough.
Jess was one of two sons. Jess was the oldest with two sisters before his brother was born. Theirs was not a small farm, but it needed the labor of two grown men.
Jess’s mother always kept three or four nanny goats and a billy. She kept the goats for their milk and cheese. She preferred it to cow’s milk for the family, and the cost and care of goats was negligible. They ate the meat from the billy kids to supplement the chickens and the hog they slaughtered every fall for the winter. The sale of pigs did not bring in the money that the tobacco did, and after his father died, Jess couldn’t maintain the farm as it once was.
Jess worked alongside his father caring for all their livestock, but he could not do it alone. His brother was still too young to help with the heavy labor. His sisters kept busy helping his mother with the house, the milking, and the goats and chickens. Jesse could not run their working farm without his father.
There was no choice but to take a job at the grist mill so that he could have regular pay. He was also allowed to grind their own corn for free. It was hard work and Jess missed the animals. He kept the last filly from their stable to train to ride and pull their buckboard wagon. The stallion and two mares were sold. They also had to sell half their pigs and most of their cows.
Jess still broke horses putting all he made into his savings. His provided for his family but he would not abandon his dream.
When his brother was able to work at the grist mill, perhaps then, he could buy the horses he would need, another mare and stallion to breed. Taking two horses on the trail would not be difficult. Indians were more likely to steal horses but it would be worth the risk.
He’d rather pick his own stallion than depend on studs from farm horses. He wanted quality riding horses. Jessie knew he could breed and train the best. Once he made it to Santa Fe, there were wild horses to be had for the taking.
But then came Katherine.
Jess fell head over heels in love with her. Any plans he made now would have to include her. He had not seen himself taking a family out West. He always thought to hire out as a ranch hand until he established himself, saving his money for the best horses. Jess saw himself having his own ranch before having a wife.
However, Katherine was the one he wanted to share his dream with, even if it meant waiting longer. Katherine supported his dream and never wanted for them to do anything else. Kansas was not what it was. She would miss her family but she was as ready for an adventure as he was. A new life with Jess was her dream, too.
Their first child was a boy. They named him William. He was healthy and strong and had the red hair of Katherine’s great grandmother. Jess was thrilled with William, but it made him realize that having children would make a huge difference for them. Traveling with a child would present an even greater challenge. When Anna came two years later, Jess begin to think about what was most important for him. Katherine and the children changed his priorities. What he wanted for himself became what he wanted for them.
I have found that joy and sorrow often come holding hands.
- Katherine F. Capps
Margaret and John had their first child a year after their wedding. They named her Sally after her mother, Sarah. Sally was a quiet, easy baby. Margaret was so proud when Sally started walking before she was a year old. Of course, Margaret thought every milestone Sally made was brilliant.
They lost Sally to the measles right after Margaret started showing with her second child. Sally died three days after the sickness struck her. In her grief, Margaret took to her bed and John could not entice her to get up. Ten days later, the midwife came and tended to her miscarriage.
It weren’t right, the midwife told her, undoubtably wanting to ease the loss. It had the opposite effect. Margaret remained in bed and stopped eating. In his desperation, John drove into Kansas City to retrieve Margaret’s sister. She stayed with them for a month until Margaret was able to get up again. Margaret knew that she had to return to her duties as a wife despite no longer being a mother. There was the garden to tend, the chores of their small farm that took John from his woodworking. Margaret knew her sister had family of her own to care for. She was finally able move on, to tell her sister goodbye and thank her for all she had done.
Two years passed before Katherine was born. Katherine was as different from Sally as she could be. Katherine had the colic and cried every day her first year of life. Margaret was exhausted all the time, but one smile from Katherine brought her all the energy she needed. Because Katherine wanted to be held by her mama all the time, Margaret carried her in a sling. Not content to rest on her back, Katherine wanted to be able to look at her mama’s face. She loved to be touching her mama’s cheek. Margaret adjusted her wrap to carry her in the front. Nothing Katherine wanted was too much.
Ten years later, Samuel was born. Margaret almost died giving birth to him and knew there would be no more. She never bemoaned the lack of more children. Margaret was so in love and grateful for the two she had. John’s workshop was in the barn where he produced his high demand woodwork. They had all that they needed and more. Samuel would learn his father’s trade and be able to care for himself and his family in the same way that John did. It was a good life.
She was content.
Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for changes.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Taking a family on the Santa Fe trail changed everything. They would need a wagon and supplies that Jess would not have needed alone. A horse and a donkey ( or a second horse) was sufficient for a single man’s needs.
Jess and Katherine spent long nights planning for their future. Unlike in most marriages, Jess wanted all decisions to be made by both of them. He respected Katherine’s opinion and thought of her as his partner as well as his wife.
His brother was now working at the grist mill and his sister was married, her husband taking over much of the farm work and bringing it closer to what it once was. Jess felt they could leave now with his family well cared for.
They had much to discuss.
The best animals for hauling a smaller wagon were certainly mules. They were strong and faster than oxen. They did well grazing and could go without water longer than horses. Most who could afford it chose mules over oxen. Horses were rarely used. Even though they were fast enough to cut days of travel time off the journey, they were not hardy pullers on the trail and required feed and more water than either oxen or mules.
Oxen would be the their best option. It was for most people. Jess was sure he could handle them on the trail. He wouldn’t need to whip them either. He never whipped any animal. It was his patience that made him so good with animals.
The other consideration was the wagon. Taking a family meant a good wagon was essential for carrying the supplies they would need. The family would walk. Only in case of injury or illness would the wagon be used. Jess would only ride his mare for hunting.
Jess and Katherine agreed on a Murphy wagon over the Conestoga wagon. They had no need for the bigger wagon. They were a family traveling, not a company of traders. They would limit the weight as much as they could. The Murphy would still require two pairs of oxen, but with less weight, they would not need to buy a spare. The Murphy wagon’s high sides would also provide them with greater protection and more space for their goods.
Saving every penny they could would still provide only the minimum they needed with little left over for supplies along the way. Without Jess’s savings and skill as a trader, it wouldn’t have been possible at all. Jess was so good at finding and getting the best deal on whatever they needed. Soon they had purchased the wagon and the oxen at a price they could afford.
With his mother’s help, they bought a billy and two nanny goats. His mother knew enough about goats to help them select the best milkers. She would make sure they were pregnant when they started. There would be no way to make cheese on the trail, but once they arrived, Katherine could make butter and cheese for them to eat and to sell. Along the way, the milk would provide nutrition and nourishment for the children. A small chicken coop could be placed in the wagon big enough for a rooster and four hens. They would try to save one hen and the rooster for Santa Fe, but if needed they could kill the chickens for food. The farm would supply the pork for their journey.
The big question was what to do in Santa Fe. Jess’s plan for a horse ranch depended on being a ranch hand when he got there, and that was no longer possible. The money he had saved for horses would now be spent on wagon and oxen and the kind of supplies needed for a family.
Not only was Jess a good trader, he knew how to find the people who had the information they needed. He talked with many people returning from Santa Fe so he knew more about what to expect. He was able to learn much about not only the trail, but also what they would need once they arrived.
The biggest concern would be the price of goods and what kind of things would be most expensive in Santa Fe. As much as possible, they needed to take those things with them. He now knew what a good price was for his oxen and wagon would be in Santa Fe. They would need all they could get from the sale. It would go a long way in helping them with what they would need.
Jess and Katherine worked together to make a plan for what would be best for them and to anticipate their needs along the way and when they got there. An inexpensive undertaking would be to raise goats. Both nanny goats could be bred again in the fall. It would be slow, but they could easily build a herd for selling milk and cheese.
Mammoth donkeys were unusual in Kansas. Some could reach 14 hands, more the size of a pony than your typical burro. There were breeders in Kentucky but only a few made it into Kansas. Jess ran across one and came home to tell Katherine his idea.
We can breed mules that would be stronger and larger. The donkey I found is black. That’s the color that is most prized. It’s a bit more expensive than a smaller donkey, but I think it’s worth it. What do you think?
Katherine agreed. Their plans had always included a donkey for lighter burdens. They named him Esperanza, the name for hope in Spanish. Jess knew that he could make a trade for a farm horse to impregnate before they left. It would be next spring before she would give birth, but it would be another source of income for them. He would reluctantly breed his own mare to Esperanza, too. She was too fine a mare to mate with a donkey, but it would be wasteful not to use her. He would wait to breed her until they were on the trail. He needed her to be able to hunt.
They decided it would be better to have no more than two horses. They would need to take feed on their wagon for horses which would take up more weight, but it was a gamble they both felt they should take.
Their life in Santa Fe was full of unknowns, but both felt that together, they could overcome whatever the challenges they might face. As long as they were together, anything else could be overcome.
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
— Jane Howard
When Margaret told the rest of her family, Katherine and Jess were overwhelmed with support. Margaret had five siblings living in Kansas City, only 20 miles or so from Blue River. She met John there when he was delivering custom tables and chairs. John dropped by the store where Margaret was shopping. He was smitten with her and offered to help carry her groceries home. Four months later they were married.
Margaret’s sister, the one who came after Sally’s death, arrived with her teenage son driving their buckboard wagon. It was full of dried fruit, vegetables, beans, rice and four quilts from Margaret’s siblings. As soon as she dismounted from the wagon, she pulled Margaret into her arms. They both cried in silence. There were no words needed between them, their heartache shared as it had always been.
I’ll be praying every day. People have been traveling this route for a long time. The drivers know how to keep safe, and you know how good Jesse is will be with the oxen. He’ll take care of them, and he’d do anything to keep Katherine and the children safe.
Margaret could only nod. She held her sister’s hand. Together they went to the wagon where her nephew was unloading their gifts.
***
Margaret filled her days helping Katherine and Jess pack their wagon for the trip. Each item needed to be evaluated for its use, weight, and the amount of space it needed. Margaret insisted they include a copy of the Bible and a copy of McGuffey’s reader.
There’s not likely to be schools there. I want the children to keep up with their reading, she told Katherine.
Yes, Mama.
If Katherine regretted the weight or space, she said nothing. She knew how hard this was on her mama.
You know, they both love reading already, Katherine reminded her.
Grief hit Margaret like a wave. She would never again sit by the fire and read with Anna in her lap. She would never again praise William for sounding out a word.”
She looked away then, and so did Katherine.
***
When the day came for them to leave, Margaret and John had gifts to give Jess and Katherine that would not take up room in the wagon. John presented his first. It was a colt paterson revolver, something Jess didn’t even consider buying because of the cost. He knew how valuable it would be on the trail. It was used but in perfect working order. Jess couldn’t have asked for anything better.
Margaret’s gift was in a very small box. When Katherine opened it, she found to her surprise that it was full of needles. Katherine looked at her mother confused, she had two needles, thread, and a bolt of cloth already packed.
I’ve been asking around at what is hard to find in Santa Fe. Someone told me needles. They’re for you to sell.
It was so like her mama to think of something so practical. Katherine hugged her. Thank you.
While Margaret held on to Katherine in their last good bye, John and Jess shook hands. Margaret could not be the one to let go first. She would wait for Katherine. She would not deny herself a moment in her last touch with her daughter.
As Jess and Katherine walked forward to their wagon, Samuel ran after them and put his arms around Katherine fighting back tears. I’ll miss you, he told her and ran back to their house.
***
It was Samuel who came for Margaret. The sun was setting and she still had not moved. The beauty of the orange sky mocked her tears.
Samuel put his arms around her from behind and leaned his cheek on her shoulder. He had not hugged her in a long time, being much too old for such unmanly affection. She leaned into his embrace.
Her child. Her son.
Let’s go home now, Mama.
