we just never know

my face unexpectedly hit the pavement yesterday.

i was walking back from the store, had a man who said good morning to me as he passed, ... something i've found pretty rare here...

and then the next thing i knew my face was bouncing off the sidewalk.

it was very disconcerting as well as really painful.  the man who had passed never knew i fell while another passed me by without saying a word.

i felt a lot like the man on the side of the road that the samaritan helped.

i think i felt as bad about being ignored as i did about my fall.

i got up and managed to start walking back to maura's apartment but i was having to catch the blood in my hands and it was pouring. i kept shaking it off my hands as i walked. no one else passed me directly but several saw me and made no move to help me or ask how i was.

my only samaritan was a worker for the apartment who realized i was hurt when i passed him in the elevator. he immediately asked me if i was alright, but the door shut on him before i could answer.

(actually i just stood in the elevator for a while because i forgot to push the button)

my biggest worry at that point was that it was going to upset maura and that i might be scarred. i wanted to wipe the blood off and see my face.

maura, needless to say, was very upset... and my face looked bloody awful.

i'm pretty sure it was a seizure but they've mostly been checking out my heart.

i definitely didn't trip. i went from walking to banging the sidewalk... which was a pretty rude way to be brought back to consciousness.

i actually have great recovery and balance. i think i should get extra points for all the times i do trip and manage not to fall. most of the time i don't fall even if i trip.

four years ago i had a wreck caused by a seizure, they didn't even keep me at the hospital. they sent me home and told me to make an appointment for the neurologist the next week.

this time, i was admitted for observation, had all kinds of tests, wore a heart monitor through the night and had an appointment at a faint and fall clinic when i got out.

there is a faint and fall clinic in madison. i have never even heard of such a thing.

two things that i have written about before came from my experience.

once again, i am moved by how all the choices in our lives determines our path.

i came to madison with maura after her own emergency room visit in detroit for her back. it was the worst episode of many back episodes for maura. when we first got back, she could still barely walk... (so i came in quite handy).

since maura had a presentation to make in california next weekend, i decided to stay and keep evie and be here when she got back. it was going to be another long weekend with too much time on the plane and on buses. i wanted to be there in case she had a relapse.

if i hadn't made that decision, if maura hadn't needed me, if i wasn't retired... i would not have been in madison for my sidewalk encounter. i would not have been in a place with such a high quality of care.

the passing out and hurting myself could have happened anywhere.

but because i was there for maura, she was able to be here for me. maura knew where to take me to get the best treatment. she spoke to the doctors and nurses when i became too fuzzy to talk.

the other blog was how bad things happen.. to good people, to bad people. it's part of being human.

there's nothing special about my accident. certainly, many people have encountered worse. epileptics, in particular, have so many worse catastrophic experiences. many have multiple seizures a week with daily medications. this was only my second major incidence in almost four years.

adversity and injury are part of the human experience. it is not unfair.

what is unfair is the difference in healthcare from one state to another, from an urban area vs. a rural one... and most certainly between the rich and the poor.

i can't do anything about the unexpected misfortune that happens in my life or any one else's, but i can determine what my response will be. i can determine to be thankful for the unfair advantages i have while still working towards providing as much for others as i have been given myself.

you never know what is going to happen, but i believe we can always find the goodness god has brought from it. i believe god can always bring good from the troubles.

i believe we can learn how to be grateful in life. i believe we can learn how to be a part of the good god brings in hard times.

finally, it is so important that we see each other, that when we see someone in need, we help. even if we are afraid, even when we think it's none of our business, even if we have to go out of our way to do it.

when someone is hurting, having someone to care means so much.

like the good samaritan, we are called to love our neighbor.